The Public Eye

Thank goodness for cable television and its eleventy-zillion channels. If it weren't for cable, information that is vital to our survival might not be available. We would never know:

n How to lay tile, cook up a storm, buy things we don't need, how to eat certain bugs and how breast surgery is performed.

n Whether sasquatch exists, that certain nasty chefs need a good hammering with a meat mallet, that there is more room for tattoos on the human body than we ever knew.

n That knuckle-dragging bounty hunters are people too, that, amazingly, we keep winning World War II every time, that dwarf families are, well, short, and that autopsies are cool.

And now we get one more: "Pawn Stars." Apparently, having exhausted other possibilities for a reality show, cable programmers have come up with a series examining the lives of a bunch of pawnbrokers.

I caught it as I was flipping between "The Woman with the 300-pound Tumor" and "Verminators," two seemingly unrelated shows that nevertheless will make you put off a second helping of meatloaf.

Pawn Stars features a collection of characters who look as if they ought to be building a nest or at least laying eggs in standing water. Yet, here they are with their own show, giving us an exciting behind-the-scenes look of what it's like to buy stuff from the broke and the busted.

I'm having a tough time understanding why this is interesting, when there are so many other possibilities for reality shows that have yet to be explored.

It's a long list. "Bowling Alley from Hell" in which a senior attendant yells at a group of wannabes for failing to spray the shoes. "Disorderly Behavior," about those wacky hospital orderlies and their pan(mis)handling. "Bookkeeping 360," in which we watch the compilation of the monthly statement from all angles while the bookkeeper cracks wise.

"Q-Tip Art Challenge." Teams try to build replicas of the Eiffel Tower entirely out of Johnson & Johnson products. "Copy Editing." An editor yells at reporters for no reason whatsoever. "Carpet Installation Stars," which tracks a crack team as they indulge in rugged behavior.

"Hair Restoration Stars." Yes, the Hair Club for Men is as exciting as it sounds.

Eleventy-zillion channels, nothing on and we're for paying it. That's reality.