Public Eye

I wish Nancy Pelosi had never come to town. Oh, I don't dislike her, but she has caused me some difficulties, not the least of which is having to listen to everyone's opinion about her.

Merely saying I don't dislike her is enough to cause me some grief among friends, family and acquaintances, but the fact is I don't know the woman. Not even a little. Despite having been in her presence recently, not once did she sidle up to me and whisper, "Let's grab a brewski, amigo, and talk healthcare reform."

Besides, I'm opposed to judging people solely because of their political beliefs unless, of course, it is their political belief that I should be chopped into tiny pieces, set on fire and then shot multiple times before taking up permanent residence in a Turkish prison alongside a cellmate who insists that I call him Mama. That I would object to, strenuously.

I mean who's to say that Attila the Hun, who had his own unique perspective, might not have been a great guy around the campfire and capable of telling riotously funny traveling salesman jokes.

"… Okay, okay, here's one. Hahahahahaha. This traveling salesman goes into a town that I just burned to the ground and …."

For some reason, we allow a person's political point of view to define them entirely. Here's a case in point: Alfred Packer was a prospector who went into the Colorado mountains in 1874 with five others in the dead of winter. Come spring, only Packer remained and he stood accused of having eaten the others.

So what we have here is a simple case of misdemeanor cannibalism. Right? Wrong!

A report of the trial quoted the judge as telling Packer before sentencing him to death, "When yah came to Hinsdale County, there was siven Dimmycrats. But you, yah et five of 'em."

Politics made this an entirely different situation, since as far as anyone knows Alfred Packer might just have easily eaten Republicans had they thought to pack any before the trip. That would have made him more of a centrist cannibal.

But no, he ate Democrats and faced a Democratic judge, so all fairness went right out the window. Packer, incidentally, was eventually paroled, probably by a Republican.

As far as I know, Pelosi has never dined on human flesh and so I have no opinion on whether she is a good or bad person. I may agree and disagree with some of her political positions, but I certainly couldn't say that she isn't capable of telling a good story around the campfire.

"Okay, okay. Hahahahahaha. This traveling salesman goes into a town that's debating healthcare reform and …."