By Stewart Dobson

The slots debacle:
two guys walk
into a bar and …

In struggling to find ways to describe this week's Maryland slots bidding catastrophe in a sophisticated and thoughtful way, I worked into the wee hours of the morning before it hit me.

Maybe it was the 15th cup of coffee or the week-old pizza with the extra fuzzy topping that I had been saving for a special occasion, but in a flash of blinding neon-like light, an epiphany if you will, it came to me that the most succinct, clearest synopsis of the situation is this:

"Wooooooooooooooooboy!"

Or, "Lucy, someone's got some 'splainin' to do."

I'm not saying that many government officials were shocked, but I am guessing that that the whooshing noise heard earlier this week was not an F16 jet flying overhead but the sound of all the air being sucked out of a few rooms in Annapolis.

There are other, more involved ways to explain what happened, including envisioning Maryland Gov. Martin O'Malley and Senate President Mike Miller in a Western movie, about to jump off the balcony and onto their horses so they can ride off and save the day.

Just as they're in mid-jump, the horses move. Ker-thump.

And then there is this:

Two guys walk into a bar. One has a slot machine on his head and the other is waddling like a duck.

The bartender turns to the one with flashing lights and whistles sitting atop his well-groomed hair and says, "Hey, mister, if you don't mind my asking, why are you carrying a slot machine around on your head?"

The guy smiles and says, "Well, I'm with one of the big gambling companies that successfully bid on a Maryland slots license. So my friends and supporters put this machine on my head to let everyone know that we won."

"Oh," says the bartender. "I guess that makes sense." He then turns to the other man, the one walking like a duck. "I sort of understand why your buddy here has a slot machine on his head, but why are you walking like a duck?"

"Well," the guy says shaking his head sadly, "I'm a Maryland state budget official who worked with the governor and Sen. Miller and you don't even want know where my slot machine is."