THE PUBLIC EYE
Ah, the exuberance of youth. Unfortunately, this unrestrained zest for doing the crazy stuff doesn’t work well after a certain age, which, I have discovered for me, is now.
After three days of walking like I might be the “free gift with every purchase” at a local T-shirt shop, it has finally dawned on me that I have reached the stage in life when certain shenanigans no longer work out as well as they should, assuming that being ambulatory is a good thing.
As much as I might want to believe that you’re only as old as you think you are, I have come to realize that you’re only as old as you think you are if you don’t do anything stupid. In other words, having a positive mental outlook will not prevent a sprained back.
Altogether, I think the old guy’s suffered one lower back sprain, one shoulder injury and a possible cracked rib after a family birthday bash for a much younger person who did not wish to be thrown off a dock and into the water. Or at least this person was not inclined to go in alone.
To say success was achieved in this valiant struggle would be like arguing that the Spartans were successful in their defense against the Persians even though they all died.
In any event, I can say that my illadvised involvement in this incident is not because I am personally stupid, but that I am genetically stupid (when in doubt, blame it on your family). My father, for example, was well into middle age when he broke his ankle during a failed fence-walking demonstration for his Little League team.
My sister was getting up there when she had to be disentangled from herself by medical professionals after proving to her children that she still had a few gymnastic moves left in her. She was partially correct.
And so I can safely say that being stupid is not necessarily my fault but is more of a family values thing. If we had a family crest, it would feature a man limping and would read in Latin below, “Erroris!” which, loosely translated, means, “Whoops!”
It has been written that the final words of many a husband to his wife are, “Hey, watch this!”
There’s some truth to that, as we don’t want to acknowledge that our strength has diminished with time. And I’d be happy to prove it, too, if someone would help me out of my chair.
